Today the pain came again – as it has for the last week.  Why??? The only day it did not come was Sunday – I did not go to church because the pain has been coming every day about the same time.  I knew if I was in church and it came I would have to leave but was not certain I could get home.   Then today it came back.  The only thing we can track down is that when I go out it comes – later but still it comes.  Is it allergy?  I don’t know.

 

Pain – lying on the bed, trying to praise God . . . my whole being focused on a black hole where there is red pulsing beating fire . . . pain.  Freedom to praise – nno – my whole body and mind is not free – they are captured by this pulsing beating red fire.  I am not free I am cornered and fighting like a wounded animal – such is the pain.

 

Focus . . . the 23rd Psalm . . . I shall not want (I do want freedom from the pain) He restores my soul (please, please, please, God restore my sanity) He makes me lay down in green pastures (God in heaven please) He leads me beside still waters (no, there is a raging storm in my head) Though I walk through the valley of death – yes, welcome, freedom from pain (I fear no evil my Lord) a table is prepared before my enemies (Father God please put that healing oil over my head and the warmth soothe this pain) my cup runneth over (Lord, the pain dries out my soul) –

 

Freedom to praise – Father God, please help me to praise you even in the midst of this pain.

 

Finally, the pain lessens – thank you, God . . . for less pain, for being there in the midst of the pain . . . for Your Holy Presence in the midst of unholy pain . . .

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